Dont Ask For More
by JaneAllsopFan
Summary: This is set at the time of the bombing, just a different way it could have gone. I hope you read and enjoy :D Feedback always welcome ;)


**Title**: Don't Ask For More  
**Dedication:** for Jane W for her inspiration and support for my writing. Bree for all your ideas for this fic. And RISS (mwa) who taught me to write.  
**Disclaimer:** My fic yes, my characters no, Grrr...lol Except everyone at the Merbein police station!  
**A/N:** It's a long fic, yes and I'm sorry! But I hope you guys read it all and tell me what you think! **xoxox elle**

**Story:**  
Jo sat back down on her desk sighing heavily, she watched everyone rush around the station. She wasn't allowed to go to the callout and she wasn't allowed to go home all because she was the watch housekeeper, she quickly glared at Ben. Susie said a quiet goodbye and the rest walked past without a word.

As PJ walked past, Jo looked away, she couldn't help it. The pain was clearly etched on her face and she blinked back tears as she was left along with only the boss.

The phone rang and she quickly gave the boss the phone murmuring a laugh. She watched the boss walked out. She looked around the station, it's lightly coloured walls had brought so many times of need, hard work, friendship, arguments but had always given her a place to call home, and now she was giving it up. It wasn't a maybe anymore; she had handed in her resignation. Gave her boss the leaving date and started to pack her life up in black little bags.

She looked around every inch of the rooms made her body fill with memories and her body ache for the old days. She slowly walked into the bosses office, the memories from there hit hardest and she wasn't sure why. Her mind flicked with thoughts about her time in Mt. Thomas. She shook her head as the tears welled. Her eyes wandered to a picture of Maggie Doyle. She picked up the photo in the frame.

Maggie held such a high spot in boss's heart, in everyone's heart in Mt Thomas. Especially PJ's. Tears welled up even further. What she had said to Susie was right; she was a memory becoming more perfect as the years went on. She stared at the picture, trying to prove to herself, Maggie was no longer a threat to her. But she couldn't do it; the more she said she wasn't the more she knew she had to leave.

The soft noise made her spin around, she met eyes with Tom, and he looked at her with his eyes filled with compassion. She accepted a hug and pretended to laugh as he walked back out side. She looked back around the room as Clancy walked in. Jo could hear the instructions from the boss and started to talk to Clancy.

As she struggled with the bag, her brain began to work over time. What was her line of thought? She wasn't even sure. Looking up at Clancy, she heard her name faintly. She carefully put the bag down on the table, grabbing Clancy's hand started to pull him out of the office. Clancy didn't argue, he seemed sense something was happening.

Their walkturned into more a jog until they reached the safety of outside, Tom grabbed both of them and wrenched them towards the ground. An explosion heard their ears as they all cowered and covered their faces. Jo felt glass and heat all over her body. She heard the confused screams of Clancy and the sudden coughing fit her boss suffered.

She slowly started to crawl as far away from the blast as she could. Tom and Clancy were doing the same. Neighbours had gathered and many were on their phones. She sat up and looked around, really unsure of what to do.

She watched the two police cars pull up, everyone jumping out before the car had stopped. Her eyes were filled with smoke and she wiped her arm. Blood gripped down her arms and forehead. She wiped the blood and tried to stand up. Her legs wobbled and she fell straight to the floor.

Tom's hand stopped her from trying to stand up again. He stood tall over her and she didn't bother to try and argue with him. She watched everyone dashing around; the fire engine and the ambulance pull up and then she saw her friends rushing up to her. She could still barely see them even when she could feel their hands.

PJ dropped down on his knees next to her. Tears on his cheeks, mouth dropped open and hands on her face. He moved his hands over her face and pushed her hair behind her ears.

"Joey… Joey are you okay?" The fact they weren't together didn't even make it as a thought into Jo's mind. She saw PJ and she was safe.

"_What do you say,  
when words are not enough  
Too few won't sum it up  
Too many's just too much"_

"Pain yes, okay yeah." Tears were on her cheeks as she scrubbed her eyes, they were all scratchy and raw.

He put his arms around her and hugged her until the ambulance came to attend to her. As the stretcher wheeled her away with a thick woolly blanket around her shoulders and PJ at her side, she looked back at the dying out fire.

"_I've read all the signs,  
but still don't know the way  
I can try and lead you there,  
but I'd just lead you astray"_

She blinked back a fresh lot of tears and the thought of that she was so close to death. She could have lost everything, just like she felt when she left PJ, like she'd lost everything. Even with him by her side, something had changed. Maybe the fact she knew she couldn't go back to him or the fact that's all she wanted maybe even more then her own life.

_"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies  
If you wanna be with me  
Cause the truth'll set you free  
Don't look to closely or you'll see my disguise  
I saw the love between us die  
But I'm not ready for goodbye"_

Jo let herself out of the hospital before the doctors signed her out. She knew she was okay and she needed a good sleep in a bed out of the hospital, without the overpowering smell of cleanness and medicine. She had let PJ stay with her until she hit the entrance of the hospital before she started to become aware of what was happening. Then she tried to politely tell him her decision still stood, trying to make sure the tears didn't fall. She slowly packed her bag, she loved PJ, and she loved him so much. And she wanted him to be there, at her side, holding her hand and reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. But she needed him so much, not as much as he could give.

She shoved her clothes in her bag and pulled it shut, nearly catching something in the zipper. She slung it over her shoulder and headed for the exit. She wasn't sure where to go. The pub was the only place she could so she headed over there.

Susie and Jonesy were seated in the Imperial; she tried to walk past them without being noticed, but they called her over.

She sat down on the bar stool and ignored their conversations and just stared into space. She didn't know what to do; she had one week before she left Mt. Thomas, but she wanted to get out now, leave the pain and start again. But she didn't want to leave the memories of the happy times. She looked up and saw Jonesy and Susie's face.

'What?' She asked without any emotion.

'Grace.' Jonesy said with his eyes downcast.

'What about her?' Jo asked looking in Jonesy's eyes for the first time since she came into the pub.

'Haven't you been listening?' He snapped. Jo's eyes misted over.

'No I haven't thanks Jonesy, I'm a little busy with other stuff.' She snapped even worse. She stood up and walked out. She was annoyed, not at Jonesy, just annoyed in general. But he had given her a good reason to leave

'Jo.' She stopped as she heard Susie call her name out. She waited without turning around until she heard Susie's footsteps stop.

'Yeah, listen tell Jonesy I'm sorry, I'm just not happy.' Jo started to walk again.

'Nah Jo, wait.' She walked in front of Jo, and waited until Jo finally looked up at her. 'You have to talk to me, tell me what's happening.'

'Why?'

'Cos you are my best mate, well I think of you as mine, and you're falling apart here, and leaving Mt. Thomas.' With these words, Jo's eyes started to tear. Susie was right she was falling apart. She needed to comfort, friendship, and love. She needed PJ.

'I'm fine, what's wrong with Grace?'

'Jo…'

'What's wrong with Grace?'

'She's missing.'

'She's what?' Without waiting for an answer, she nodded and walked off. She went to her room, tried to freshen up, grabbed her phone and walked out the pub. She was opening her car when she heard her name. She recognised the voice and turned around automatically. Her blue eyes loved the sight of PJ and her heart gave a flutter but her mind warned her.

'I went to the hospital but they said you had left already.'

'Yeah. I didn't want to hang around the hospital.' She kept her tone as friendly as she could without being too friendly.

'I thought they meant you'd left Mt. Thomas.' His voice filled with sadness.

'I am leaving in a week.'

'Jo… please… please…' He started to walk towards her, and he wouldn't take his eyes off of her.

'Peej, I have to.' She was pleading with her voice and words for him to leave her. She needed him, but she knew she couldn't have him.

'Joey, you can't leave, I love you.' Jo turned around without saying anything. She got in the car and started it up. He tried calling her name, but she ignored it and drove off, the tears finally spilling over onto her cheeks.

"_Don't ask for more  
'Cause what you're searching for  
You won't find at my door  
Don't ask for more  
My heart already knows  
But my head won't let you go"_

Jo pulled up her car; she paused in the drivers seat.

Trying to clear her head. She walked up to the door and rung the doorbell.

'Hello Parrish.' Tom opened the door and let her in.

'Hey Boss.' She stopped and looked at him, not really sure what to say. 'I think… I need to… Have you heard from Grace?'

He shook his head sadly and wrapped her in a hug. She stood still for a moment in shock but then hugged him back. He understood her pain at that moment; he was missing someone he loved as well.

'Stay around, meet the new officers, help us settle in to the new station and you never know what might happen.'

She shook her head, 'I have to get out. Its killing me being here.'

'Why do you have to leave like this though? Unresolved problems with PJ.'

'Boss, I just need to get away. Can I please? Just help me.'

'O-okay.'

Relief flooded Jo's face. She threw her hands around him. She couldn't describe how happy she was.

'Thankyou Boss thankyou,' She continuously thanked him as she headed for the door.

'Come say goodbye before you go.' He called after her as the door shut. He sighed and looked towards the phone. He sat down and waiting for it to ring.

Jo shoved the last of her clothes into her black travel bag. She was finally getting away from Mt. Thomas. All the memories, all the pain and everything that made her cry. She sat on her bed with the picture frame in her hands. It was black and silver and the picture filled her heart with a heavy feeling.

PJ.

All her thoughts, her energy, her passion, her mind had faded away the night she walked out their shared house. She had lost everything that night, her life, and her reason for living. The tears started and she knew they wouldn't soon stop. Her heart was breaking and she just didn't know how to make it stop.

The knock echoed through her now fairly empty Imperial room. She walked to the door, trying to wipe away the tears and clean herself up. Her door swung open and she stood behind it with just her head in view. Susie stood with a downcast face.

'You're leaving?' She asked with nearly an angry tone.

'Yeah, tomorrow…early' Jo answered in her now normal non-emotion showing voice.

'Jo… come on. Don't just leave. This has been hard on everyone.'

'Don't tell me what to do.' Jo snapped, immediately regretting it.

'Yeah well at least the rest of us don't walk out when we need every one the most.' Susie gave Jo a dirty look and turned away.

Jo's face fell, Susie's words had stung. They had truth behind them, but what use was she if she couldn't look after herself.

PJ's self-assured voice drifted up the stairs and Jo quickly slammed the door, turning up her music and ignoring the door knocks the whole night.

"_Please try and understand  
This is all I am  
I keep holding on  
But half of me is gone  
The pieces of my heart  
Are lying on the floor  
It's been broken up before  
It can't be broken anymore"_

The car started up with a weird rumbling noise and Jo quickly drove before it stalled. Her music was up loud again, she was trying to wake up and stay focused. It wasn't working.

The sun was barely up and the town was quiet. She drove down the main drag, just to get the feel of the town she loved. She opened her window and breathed in the cool country air. A small smile crept across her face. The first one in a while. It was a new day.

"Ask me no questions  
And I'll tell you no lies  
If you wanna be with me  
'Cause the truth would set you free  
Don't look too closely  
Or you'll see my disguise  
I don't want to live a lie  
But I can not say another goodbye"

The small hotel room smelt like old stale smoke. She took another mouth full of the kind of cloudy water. She was away from Mt. Thomas, but she had to admit the pain hadn't left. The pain wouldn't leave her, not even for a moment.

She has driven for a whole day; she was hours away from Mt. Thomas. She knew she had kilometres till she was at her new job. They had given her a position in another country town, one with a slightly larger force and a bigger population in the town, but still out in the country.

Her hand was sweaty around the glass and it nearly slipped out of her hand. She caught it and held it tightly for a moment. She could feel her pulse in the glass. She relaxed her hand and chucked it up slightly, she caught it. She stood up and with a slight run up slammed the glass into the nearby wall. Glass shattered and water splashed back up at her. She felt a piercing feeling in her arms, she looked down and watched the glass bounce off her skin, a small yelp of pain escaped her lips.

She sat down on her bed; the blood was dripping down her arm. She looked around in confusion and utter disappointment. She had never been one for pain, physical especially. She wiped the blood her arms and looked closely for glass, she couldn't see any glass in her skin. She grabbed her towel, which was on the floor. And held it to her arm. She lay down on her bed with the towel stopping the bleeding and her eyes drooped and she fell asleep.

"Don't ask for more  
'Cause what you're searching for  
You won't find at my door "

Her eyes flicked open and the bright day sun shined through the curtains. She took a deep breath and stood up tall. She was ready to be happy, she was over moping, over self-pity, just ready to be happy. So ready. She'd been up for five minutes and she was still happy. This was the start she was waiting for. She paused as she remembered this was what she said yesterday, but if she could get through each day, she'd get through this pain.

"Don't ask for more  
My heart already knows  
But my head won't let you go  
(oooh...) Another goodbye...  
(oooh...) Another goodbye"

She looked around her new flat, she hadn't looked at it last night she'd headed straight for the bed. It was a smallish flat but quite pretty. The view out of the front window was calm and relaxing. A dirt road and large hills in the distance. She was on the outer of the town. And that's what she liked.

She had three days till she started work. Three days to try and realise she had actually moved from Mt. Thomas. Her flat was quiet; it was calm but so quiet. She wanted music, looking around her very empty house.

She grabbed her keys and headed to her car. Her trusty CRV, she smiled to her self. Everything she has was in the back of that car and the car itself. She opened the boot, and looked the small amount of belonging she actually had brought. Some clothes, her CDs, a CD player, and small bits and pieces. The rest she'd left at the Imperial. Giving Chris instructions to do whatever she pleased with them. She didn't want all her belongings, she wanted to start fresh. Without the memories of times without pain.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies  
If you wanna be with me  
'cause the truth would set you free  
Don't look too closely  
Or you'll see my disguise  
I don't wanna live a lie  
But I can not say another goodbye"

The three days with no work had passed quickly as Jo settled in her new house, trying to make it as "homey" as possible without many possessions. On the morning of her first day at work she woke up earlier then she would normally. She searched for her crumpled uniform, she tried to decrease it but without an iron she didn't have much luck.

She hadn't worn her uniform since the last day at Mt. Thomas, it brought back memories but with a confident smile she looked at her reflection. She stomach felt queasy and she pushed the feeling away.

She felt a cold tongue on her leg; she spun around quickly and smiled at her Labrador. She bent down and patted its body. Her dog bounced up on her legs, she kissed it and pushed it back down. She looked back at her reflection. Smiled once more and walked away.

Merbein Police station reminded her off Mt. Thomas; she walked into the station with a confident walk. She smiled, a better way then the way she walked into Mt. Thomas. She stood at the counter and waited for one of the few members to look up. Finally a young blonde haired female looked up, she smiled sweetly and walked over.

'Senior Constable Parrish, I take it?' She asked, Jo's eyes slipped to her badge, Sergeant Wilden.

'Jo is fine.' They both smiled. Jo felt comfortable, and she followed after Sergeant Wilden into the main office.

'I'll introduce to everyone then I'll do the paperwork about you. Worse thing about the job. Oh and its Nicole by the way.'

'That's for sure.' Jo continued following until Nicole stopped outside a smaller office. Nicole opened the door. The small office, Jo assumed was a CI office was full with about 8 people. She smiled as the entire room looked at her. It was silent.

'Everyone this is Jo, Jo this is…' She paused and looked around, 'well everyone.' Everyone laughed, Jo just smiled politely. It was strange looking in on a tight knit group; this is what Mt. Thomas must have looked like. Jo looked at everyone as they introduced themselves.

A fairly young looking boy stood up, his shaggy brown hair moved as he swung his head around, 'well I'm George, constable Rogers.

Another young girl stood up, 'I'm Julia, I'm the other constable.'

'I'm Jack, the detective.' He spoke shortly, smiled and sat back down.

'Lyn, the _other_ detective. The nice one.' Everyone laughed, so Jo joined in politely.

'Julia, another constable.'

'Zac, Sergeant Clarke. I've heard good things about you Parrish, I can't wait to work with you.' Jo smiled again.

'And I guess I'm last, I'm Helen, the last member joined here, apart from you, I'm a probationary constable, it's great to have you here.' Helen's smile was truthful, and Jo automatically warmed to her.

'It's great to met you all, and I'm really looking forward to working with you all, sorry if I'm a little slow to catch onto you way of your station running, my station was very different to any I'd been to, I'll try very hard though.'

'Aw I'm sure you will fit in so quickly, you look like you will.' Helen spoke up, her voice confident but still shy and cute. Jo nodded to her, 'let's go I'll show you around.' Jo followed her out, giving a nod and a bit of a smile to the rest of them and caught up to Helen.

_"Don't ask for more  
'cause what you're searching for  
You won't find at my door  
Don't ask for more  
My heart already knows  
But my head won't let you go"_

Jo rolled up her cargos and pulled on her new t-shirt. Her first day at work had been a lot of fun, she went out on patrol with Helen, and laughed basically the whole time. She had tried her best to let her policing shine through, and she hoped it had worked.

She was getting ready to go out with Helen, to a local club. Live bands but relaxed atmosphere. Sounded good to Jo. Jo chucked everything in her bag and jumped in the car. She stopped past Helen's house to pick her up.

'Hey Jo, thanks for picking me up.' Helen bounced into her seat, her dark black hair swung in a high ponytail, 'ready to dance the night away?'

Jo smiled, the first day at her new work, a new friend, a new hang out, a new life, a new world. She nodded; she had to keep the memories out of her head, especially his face.

'I hope George is there, I haven't talkedto him properly for ages,' Helen looked at Jo, with a childish giggling face.

'Fill me in, come on, what's happening?' Jo's curious personality shone through, she smiled. She hadn't felt this interested and intrigued in anything for quite a while. 'I survive on other people's love life's.'

'Your's?' Helen asked looking at Jo, just as intrigued as Jo was about Helen. 'A pretty girl like you? You've got to have hundred of gorgeous guys.'

'One, one. Let me tell you guys aren't worth the trouble. Now, you're trying to get out telling me! Tell.'

'Secret, 'cos you know office relations…'

'Trust me, I know all about them. They end bad though Helen, I moved 'cos of them.'

'Tell me about it.'

'Later, now I wanna hear all about George.'

'Well come on, you say how gorgeous he is. And his personality...perfection!'

'So… you guys together?'

'Nearly, a few more dates and it will be sealed.' Helen's quick giggle filled the car, Jo just smiled. Jo's mind was flying through a hundred memories. Her head was going fuzzy and her mind wouldn't come back down to earth.

'Jo…Jo, the club, we are here.' Jo's mind hit Earth hard, she pulled the car up to a stop and got ready to get out.

The music was pumping and Jo was throwing her body around to the music. Her body hot and sweaty, but the chance to let everything go was too powerful to stop. Her body hitting peoples around her, her eyes moving so fast around the room not giving her a chance to think or focus.

Her phone vibrated against her leg, she ignored it for a few rings before slowing down her rhythm to push her way out of the small crowd to the exit, and answering her phone; she shouted a hello. Thrusting her hand out for a pass out stamp, she continued to shout hellos

'Hello… hello?' A muffled voice was saying, finally Jo's breathe had caught back up to her.

'Hey.' Jo's head recognised the voice and she smiled.

'It's Susie.'

'I know, what you calling for?'

'I'm not allowed to ring to see how you are?' Susie's voice snapped.

'Hey I didn't mean it like that, sorry.'

'Nah I'm sorry. I just rang to tell you… Grace was found dead, Jo.'

'Nah… no… no.' Jo held herself up against the wall; she couldn't get her head around it.

'The funeral is in a week?' It was like a question, she wanted to know if Jo would come. 'I guess you won't be there.'

'I'll be there Sus, of course I will, I'll be there.' Jo nodded though Susie couldn't see.

'Okay, well I have to go, call you later with the details?'

'You better. Bye.'

'I miss you Jo.'

'I miss you too Susie, of course I do.'

'So does everyone.'

'I miss them too.'

'PJ misses you the most Jo, please come home.'

'I miss PJ too Susie, you know that, but I can't, I can't'

'You can. Bye Jo.'

'Bye.'

Jo spun around ready to try and party to get everything out of her mind. Helen was standing behind her.

'You okay?' Helen asked, she grabbed hold of Jo's arm. 'You okay? You look as if you need to faint?'

'I do feel a little woozy, but I'm fine.'

'I saw you running out, anything happened?'

'I have to go back to Mt Thomas?' Jo said shocked.

'Why? Not forever?' Helen looked sad.

'No, someone died. A mate she died.'

Helen leant forward for a hug. 'Aw Jo that's terrible.'

'It gets worse Helen.'

'No Jo. What's wrong?' A tear leaked out of Jo's eyes. 'Nah Jo no crying, tell me.'

'I have to go to Mt. Thomas, I have to see PJ again, and… and…' Jo started crying properly.

'And what?'

'And I think I'm pregnant.'

Don't ask for more  
'Cause what you are searching for  
you won't find at my door  
Don't ask for more  
My heart already knows  
But my head won't let you go

(Oooh...) Another goodbye  
(oooh...) Another goodbye  
(oooh...) Another goodbye

The thought of returning to Mt. Thomas made her sick to the stomach, the thought of returning knowing the result of her pregnancy test even worse. Helen made her go to the doctors the next day and took care of her time off, Jo now drove back to the town she had fled less then a week ago. The thoughts running through her head had not only scared her, but also scared into acting stronger then she was feeling. She was sick of feeling like nothing could help her; all she wanted was to be brave even if she didn't feel it.

The test results were positive and immediately Jo was confused with thoughts, as she now drove through neighbouring towns she tried to think hard about what she was going to do.

Jo wasn't sure to tell PJ, not to tell him, if she should tell anyone at Mt. Thomas, move back to Mt. Thomas, stay where she was, move closer to her parents. As the thoughts whizzed she drove, she undid the window and let her body and head be filled with the wind. It was hard to let the thoughts consume her when the wind was so heavy, she liked that.

Her pregnancy hadn't hit home, she didn't feel different, and so she wasn't going to act differently. She didn't know what to do so she let the wind take her over and let her mind wonder as far away from that as possible.

As she drove into familiar surroundings her heart was beating faster and the thoughts and confusion whizzing around faster and faster. She slowed down outside the pub and climbed out. Her legs feeling a little jelly like. As her body shivered she straightened up. She was brave; she thought at least I'm going to act brave.

She strolled into the pub and she knew she looked brave even if she didn't feel it. It gave her a little more confidence.

'Chrissy.' She called out at the edge of the bar.

'Jo.' She walked around the bar and threw her arms around her neck.

'How are you? How is everyone?'

'You've only been gone a week, we haven't changed that much.' Chris smiled, a little less this time but still with the love for Jo in her smile.

'How is everyone handling,' she paused, 'everything?'

'Not well, this whole town has been affected. And you,' this time Chris paused, 'you leaving town when everyone needed you the most.'

Jo looked shocked and Chris's face looked immediately sorry for what she said.

'No one understands why I left.' Jo spoke shortly and looked away.

'Aw Jo, I didn't mean it like that. You make everyone smile around you, you are the reason why most people smile, so when you left so did their smiles.' Chris said trying to explain.

'Do you have a room?'

'Jo sorry.'

'It's okay.' She tried to looked unaffected, 'do you have a room?'

'Yeah I do.' Chris paused but couldn't say any more.

Jo smiled, and looked around the pub. She sighed quietly and looked back at Chris. She was staring at Jo.

'What?' Jo asked looking a little surprised.

'You look different.' Chris stated.

'It's been a week.'

'You do you look different.' Chris shook her head and Jo just laughed.

'Okay then.' Jo swirled around as the door to the pub shut.

Susie walked in talking to the boss. Neither of them saw her to start with, and then Susie looked up and spotted her friend. She ran up to Jo and grabbed her for a hug, Jo politely hugged her. Susie looked a little upset by the small hug she received back.

'Hello Parrish.' The boss spoke with a soft voice, the first words with that tone any one had heard in a few days. She smiled.

'Sorry to hear about it Boss.'

He nodded and accepted her hug. She hugged him tight. 'You going okay?' the boss asked.

'Yeah settling in fine. Nice town it is.' Merbein was a good place for Jo to move to and she did like it. She looked at the boss and smiled.

She heard even more voices behind her. Jo spun around again to see the rest of the station walking into the pub. Her stomach started bubbling around and she felt nervous, her fake smile never left her face.

'Jo.' She heard her name cried from several places. She kind of looked around to everyone and smiled, not looking any one in the eye. She flicked her eyes around to fast to see into anyone's eyes. She was grateful for Tom's hand on her shoulder.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away  
Now it looks as though they're here to stay  
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

'Hello Jo.' PJ whispered in Jo's ear as everyone had settled for a drink.

Jo's stomach started to feel queasy. She placed a hand on her stomach, she quickly looked around and removed it.

'I don't know what to say to you anymore.'

'I have to go.'

'Jo.'

'I'm sorry.' Jo picked up her wallet, her hands shaking and stomach even more queasy. She walked up to the bar and ordered an orange juice.

'Miss Joanna Parrish, I was right.' Chris's voice was quiet and calm.

'What?' Her answer short, still shaking about talking to PJ.

'You are pregnant.' Chris's eyes looked panicky, Jo spun around. PJ stood a few steps away. Jo's face moved to the brave and smart smile she normally had, and laughed.

'In you're dreams Chrissie.' Jo let her smile take over her face the best she could. But it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Chris smiled and walked away. PJ stood next to her.

'Are you?' His words were soft.

'No.' Her words were opposite to his, they were short and sharp.

'Jo, come on its PJ.' He reached his arm out to her.

'Exactly you are PJ.' The anxious feeling left her stomach and was replaced by a pang of angry, 'we broke up, and I moved away. What are you to me? Just PJ nothing more.' Her sentence wouldn't have made sense too many but it hit PJ hard.

He nodded and walked away. She watched him walk away; she was so desperate to yell out to hi to come back, so she could feel his arms around her and his sweet lips. And have him whisper he loved her as she fell asleep.

But times change, people change and situations change. PJ would never love Jo as much as Maggie; it was plain for Jo to see that now. It still hurt but what else could she do?

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.  
Now I need a place to hide away.  
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Mm mm mm mm mm.

Jo sat quietly in her room, tears running down her face. Acting brave was hard work. She flopped her head back on her pillow.

She wanted to call someone, anyone, so she could just freely talk to them. Susie, she thought. Susie knew nothing about her anymore. All she seemed to be worried about was the fact Jo left her. Jo had left her, her family and her home. But she had to. What else could have she done?

She picked up the phone and tried to search for a number, any number. She finally decided on one.

'Hello Helen?'

'Hey, is this Jo?' Helen friendly voice was warm and Jo could almost picture as well as hear the smile.

'Yeah it is…' Her words were left hanging for a while. 'Can we just talk? I have no one to talk to here.'

She sat with her hands on her stomach; she didn't know why she was. It was like a compulsive thing. She couldn't feel anything move.

She pulled her hands away and looked around the door. Tomorrow was the funeral and then she was able to get going. Back home, or back somewhere.

She walked around her room, she was bored. She giggled. She, Joanna Parrish was in Mt Thomas with all her best friends down stairs and she was bored.

She flicked the radio one and started to move along to the music. She barely heard the knock on the door.

Without thinking and for once without the weight of the world on her shoulders, she opened the door with a smile.

'I'm glad you can smile that much.' Susie snapped.

'Bloody hell Susie can you just stop? You have no idea what's happening in my life anymore. You have no idea, so don't try and go around preaching to me, trying to make me feel like it's my fault I left. I chose. Yes. But you don't know my reasons for it do you? No you don't Susie don't come in here all high and mighty and except me to agree with you.'

Susie looked with stunned eyes. 'I'm sorry Jo, but… I dunno, it just seems you left and you tore this station to tears.'

'I did nothing Susie, I just discovered things at a time I was needed.'

'What things?'

'The fact PJ will never love me as much as Maggie.'

'He will.' She said. Jo smiled.

'He won't. Its okay I know. And the other things is Susie.' She paused deciding whether to or not, ' and Susie I'm pregnant.' Susie stopped and looked at Jo.

'Jo I'm so sorry.' She looked shattered, she grabbed Jo in a hug, all forgiven.

Jo's eyes flicked up to the shadow.

'It's true then?'

'So what if it is?' Jo said coldly. Susie pulled away to spin around to look.

'PJ.' Susie whispered. Jo smiled at the situation. She was sick of pretending she was sick of everything. She started to laugh, Susie and PJ looked in surprise.

'I'm so sick of this, this crap people call my life. This was not my plan; this was not supposed to happen. I HATE IT.' Her laughter turned to tears as she screamed in pure pain.

Susie grabbed her as her legs started to give way, 'PJ, help.'

PJ rushed to Jo and Susie's aid. He held Jo up as she cried. A gut wrenching sob that brought tears to Susie's eyes and PJ's heart tore.

'Just someone please,' Jo gasped for air. 'Just make this all stop hurting.'

Jo woke up in her bed still fully clothed. Her head was pounding. She opened her eyes slowly, the sun was beaming through the window and it hurt her eyes. She slowly sat up.

'Hello.' Jo jumped and turned around so fast her head spun. She looked at PJ who was curled up on the seat near her bed. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.'

Jo looked away, she remembered crying last night, so much for pretending to be brave. She remembered hugging people, she couldn't even recall whom. She wasn't sure why PJ was there. She didn't think he looked too comfortable.

'Can you please leave Peej?' Jo's voice was a quiet whisper. PJ stood up and walked over to her bed. Jo tried to get out of bed in a hurry. Her legs were tangled and she nearly fell out of bed, by the time she had stopped struggling with the sheets PJ was sitting on her bed.

'Jo can't we talk? Don't tell me you hate me that much.'

Jo didn't know where to look or what to say, his sweet voice caused her more pain.

'Come on Jo. Tell me about all this.'

'About what?' She spoke quietly.

'You moving away, you having a child. Come on Joey.'

'This is my life PJ, let me live it.'

'But isn't it my child?' He looked surprised. Jo looked back at him, the thought he thought it wasn't his, hurted her. She remained silent.

'How do you know it is?' She said the words before she could stop them.

'It's not?' He looked crushed and he looked away. Jo's eyes misty over.

'Peej…' He stood up and walked out. As the door shut she looked towards it. 'Of course it is.' She wished she had enough guts to say it when he was in the room.

Jo sat next to Tom and hugged him tight. He was rude and snappy to everyone except Jo. She sat there quietly, trying to comfort him as much as she could. The tears flowed down her face for him and for herself, she felt selfish to be crying about her own problems at a funeral but under the cloak of grief she released her pain.

As people stood up to leave, Jo and Tom sat there. All the Mt. Thomas group sat behind them, no one dared to move or speak. No one else was left in the chapel and Tom stood up and walked out. Jonesy got up to hug Jo but she walked past him to catch up Tom.

Whispering a goodbye to everyone as she walked away. Her plans to leave as soon as the funeral finished disappeared as she caught up with Tom. She sat outside on a bench with Tom and hugged him. He started crying and his sobbing made Jo's heart wrench. She hugged him tight.

The drive was long and Jo got out the car as soon as it had stopped. She stretched her legs and it hurt. She got all her bags and walked inside.

'Hello.' Jo let out half a scream. She dropped her bags.

'Bloody hell Helen.' Jo sighed and walked over to her. She hugged her tight.

'What happened? Come on was it as bad as you thought?'

'Worse.' Jo dropped in the couch next to her.

'Worse?'

'PJ now knows I'm pregnant.'

'That's good Jo.' Helen smiled.

'He also thinks it isn't his.' Jo looked at Helen and watched her smile fade,

'Yeah worse then I thought, but at least Susie isn't mad at me anymore'

'Well that's good.' The conversation went silent and Jo looked out the window.

Jo pushed her chair away from the desk, 'come on guys pub time.' She put her hand on her now large stomach.

'Yeah we are coming, you go ahead.' Helen smiled and bounced into the locker room.

Jo stood up and walked towards the pub. She was six months pregnant, she was happy that finally her world seemed brighter. Thinking about PJ still hurt and she doubted the pain would ever fade, but she only had to thin of the child she was bringing into the world and a smile appeared.

She walked over to George. He was sitting in the police members' normal seats.

'Hey George, what you up to?' Jo asked pulling a seat out to sit down.

'Just waiting.'

'For?'

'Helen, she's coming isn't she?'

'Yes, bloody hell George ask her out already.'

'Shut up Joanna Banana.'

'Shut up.' Jo laughed, she pretended to hit the young spunky constable. She got along with him and Helen the best. She thought because they were so much like her.

'So how is baby George today? Kicking more today?'

'It's not baby George, and yes it's been really kicking heaps today.'

'It already hates me.' George let out a loud pretend sob.

'George, shutup!!'

'Well I'm like the only one who hasn't felt it kick.'

'George please shut up.' George poked his tongue out but shut up. 'I got copies of the ultra sound for you.'

'Yeay about time.' Helen said as she walked up behind them.

'I still don't see why you all want a copy.' Jo sat watching Helen pull up a seat next to George.

'It's our baby too.' Jo laughed again.

'Jo?' The barkeeper called from the counter.

'Yeah Jess?' Jo asked standing up.

'Sorry I would have told you before but we have been busy and I hadn't noticed you come in.'

'That's okay. What's up?'

'Some one is here for you.'

'Who?'

'I'm not sure, some one from Mt Thomas.' Jess gave Jo a sympathetic look. 'Sorry.'

'Doesn't matter.' Jo sighed and called for Helen to come over. 'Some one from Mt Thomas is up there, come with?'

'Sure.' Helen followed Jo up to the private parlour up stairs.

Jo opened the door and saw the male sitting down facing away from the door.

'Hey.' Jo spoke quietly.

'PJ?' Helen gasped. Jo spun around and so did the man sitting in the seat.

Jo laughed, 'No Helen, it's Jonesy.' She jumped around and hugged him.

'Hey Gorgeous, look at you?' He spun her around and kissed her cheek.

'Thanks, what are you doing here? I didn't know you were coming.'

'Me either, until I realised it was the name on the sign was the same as the town you lived in. And you always live in pubs.'

'Shut up.'

'Peej is here too.'

'Shit.' Helen murmured.

'Why is he here?' Jo asked looking at Jonesy.

'He was in the car when we saw the sign.' Jonesy looked surprised.

'Yeah well then you are a dickhead.' Helen grumbled.

'Hels it's cool.' Jo looked at Helen, her face worried but with a smile. 'Where is he?'

'Gone to the shops.' Jonesy looked up as the door opened, 'or maybe here now.'

PJ walked into the room, his eyes with a surprised glaze. His frame stiffened and his eyes looked old.

'Peej.' Jo's eyes misted and Jo looked away.

'Jo.' His tone chilly. Jo looked hurt. Seeing his face and his familiar stance made her heart race and body shiver. She took a deep breath and looked up. Surprised to see him already standing next to her, his breathing deep.

She looked into his eyes; she was taken on a journey through the days she was with him. Each day and each hug, each breathes and each time he kissed her cheek. Her head spinning with memories of her time with him. She stared intently into his eyes. He did the same. When Jo finally tore her eyes away from his she remembered there were other people in the room.

'Can we talk, Jo? Please?' For the first time she agreed to talk to him. It had been a long while; the pain still hurt but wasn't fresh anymore. She followed him out of the room, she placed her hand on her stomach trying to calm her butterflies and knowing her unborn baby made her happy.

As they sat down in PJ's room. She looked around, his brown suitcase sat open on the floor and she smiled at the familiar clothes. He sat close to her. He breathed in her scent, the sweet smell of innocence. He looked at her stomach, it now large and stretching her t-shirt. She looked beautiful, it made him miss her even more.

'What do we need to talk about?' She asked quietly, knowing the truth would have to be told.

'Look into my eyes and tell me it isn't my child, and I'll kiss you on the cheek, leave without a word and write annually letters.'

'Annually letters? You have it all planned.' Jo joked.

'Please Jo, just tell me.'

'When would I have gotten pregnant Peej? I'm six months. How long ago did I leave?'

'Five months ago.'

'You tell me if it's yours.' Jo asked him, daring him to tell her he thought she had cheated. She watched his eyes, darting around the room and her face.

'You're having my baby,' He whispered. 'Why wouldn't you tell me?' he asked his tone rude.

'I was going to, but then you assumed it wasn't and it was too early for me to deal with that.' She begged for forgiveness slightly.

He sat closer to her, praying she wouldn't push him away. He looked at her and at her stomach; he raised his hands as asking permission to touch her stomach. She was used to all her colleagues doing this without asking and so she nodded. His hands were warm even through her t-shirt, his familiar hands soft and wonderful on her stomach.

'It's amazing,' he said as he placed his hands on her, aware of the feelings flying through Jo's body. The baby kicked and PJ's face lit up, 'Oh My Gosh, was that… did it just… Oh My Gosh.' Jo's eyes welled up, all this words, all the feelings, too much pain for her to handle. Wanting to get up, run away was starting fill her body.

The feeling started to become almost more then she could bare. His eyes, his hands, his voice were all bringing tears to her eyes.

He suddenly pulled his hands back and looked up in surprise. He saw the tears now on her cheeks, he stood up.

'Jo I'm sorry.'

Jo looked at him. 'For what?'

'For coming here, I should have rung. I didn't mean to upset you.'

'You haven't'

'Jo you are crying, you don't cry unless you are hurting.'

'I'm hurting but I'm happy to see you, to know you know it's yours.' Jo grabbed his hands; she didn't know what she was doing any more. She pulled him down and placed his hands back on her stomach. She leant over and kissed his soft lips. Her body feeling like it was melting, it felt right. That feeling had not happened in a while. His hands still on her stomach he moved closer and kissed her again.

'I've missed you Jo.' He kissed her again, letting one hand stay on her stomach and the other moving to her back.

'I miss you too. I miss everything about you.' She whispered between kisses.

'I love you Jo, I always have.' Jo pulled away, PJ face fell. 'I'm sorry Jo.'

'I love you too.' Tears pouring down her cheeks. 'I love you too'

'Good.' He leant forward to kiss her again.

'But PJ, I can't, not now, not with my…our bubs on the way. I need to be stable and I can't just wonder around feeling like I'm not loved as much as I should be.'

PJ's face fell again. 'I love you so much, more then everything.'

'Not more then anything Peej.' She smiled.

'Jo you are my world, I love you' Jo looked at him, her face crooked. She leant forward not thinking and kissed him, he smiled through their kiss and pulled her close and kissed her again.

Tears still pouring down her cheeks she let him wipe them away and take her in his arms. Suddenly a knock at the door broke them apart. PJ stood up to open the door, Jonesy walked in.

'I am so sorry, I'll come back in a little while.' PJ shut the door after him. Jo sat on the bed waiting for him to come back.

He stood facing away from her, 'I am sorry Jo.'

This time Jo's face fell. Her heart breaking. 'Why?'

'I shouldn't have come. I love you Jo, but you were just getting your life back together. I just want you to be happy. And I don't want you always questioning how much I love you.'

'But…'

'Jo I am so sorry, I shouldn't have come.'

'I love you.'

He walked over and put her face in his hands, 'I love you too. But I don't want you asking for more, you deserve more then what I can give you. I just can't make you happy.' He kissed her and left the room.

Her silently tears turning into heart wrenching sobs and Helen rushed in the room.

'Jo.' She yelped and rushed over to her. She threw her hands around her.

'I don't want more then what he can offer, I just want him.' She cried.

She sat in Helen's hands rocking herself backwards and forwards.

'You know, I remember telling my mum ages ago,' she told Helen, when she was much calmer and with a hot chocolate in her hands. 'Maybe the not-so perfect is the new perfect, I still think that's right.'

'You really still love him don't you?'

'More then anything. But I need to move on and I know it and today didn't help. But I'm so glad he came. I know it is stupid but it's true.'

'And he knows about bubs?'

'Yeah.' She sipped her chocolate. She stood up and walked to his suitcase. She picked up his t-shirt and smelt it.

'That's good.'

'So now I have to pick up my life and start again… again.'

'Except you have mates this time.'

'Yeah, I guess I just can't ask for more.' Jo repeated PJ's words.

'Come on PJ, admit it. You miss her more now.' Jonesy said sitting in PJ's office. 'After you went to Merbein and came back. You miss her more.'

'Shut up Jones.' PJ said in his more then normal crabby tone. Flicking a glaze to Amy.

'Come on PJ, just admit it.' Jonesy said, not giving up.

'Jonesy, I don't need to say it out loud to know it's the truth okay?' He stood up.

'Why don't you go back there then?'

'Cos, bloody hell, I stuffed up her life, then she just got it sorted and then I stuffed it again. I'm letting her go, that girl deserves is to be happy and with out me jumping in and out of her life, she's not getting that.' He glared at Jonesy and walked out.

PJ wondered out side, he pulled the letter out of his pocket. He sat down and breathed in the country smell. He unfolded it and reread the letter for the umpteenth time.

Dear PJ,

Its feel like I've been pregnant for years, but I haven't. And only a month to go. That's right I'm eight months now. It's been great, and I'm really nervous about Labour but Helen will be here.

I will send photos straight away, and you are welcome to visit if you'd like. It might be hard but you have a right.

I'm trying to keep this letter light hearted. It's hard. I miss you Peej. Hope this letter finds you well. Will write again soon.

Love Jo.

He folded it back up and looked up. It was calm and peaceful. It hadn't been like this for a while. He tried to picture her. Her beauty, her smile, her skin, her hair.

Jo let her mind wonder, the days were getting longer and she was getting so hotter each day. She let her eyes slip to the picture of PJ and herself; she smiled at the happy memories.

Her baby kicked and she smiled. 'That's your daddy; he is a sweet man bubs. I will never stop him seeing you ok? But remember I might not be able to be there when you see him, it still hurts.'

Jo winced in pain, 'hey bubs that wasn't a reason to hurt me.' Jo joked trying to calm herself down. The pain wasn't going away and Jo felt alarmed. She waddled to the phone. As she was walking she felt something run down her leg and with another punch of pain she realised she was in labour.

'Hey Helen,' she said into the phone. 'I know it's early, a month in fact, but my water broke and I'm really worried can you come home?'

'I'll be in like a minute; I'm just down the road. Can you hang on?'

'Yes. Please hurry Helen.' She burst into tears, she was worried and the pain was strong.

PJ ran around the station, 'everyone, Jo has had her baby… our baby; it's a little boy. He doesn't have a name and he is like 1 hour old. Helen is sending photos through emails right now.'

He sat down on the computer and tried to get them to come up.

'God you are terrible.' Kelly sat down and got the pictures up straight away.

PJ sat down and looked at them. He looked at every detail of the newborn. His closed eyes, and little nose. The way in each photo he had his fists clenched. PJ forgot where he was and let the tears pour. He wished he were there with Jo, to hold their baby and kiss her forehead.

"When your day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,  
when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.  
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes."

Jo held the newborn and was amazed at the way he melted into her arms. She let the tears pour her face. To finally hold him in her hands. All the effort and pain was worth it when she saw him.

His little sweet fingers, that held onto her tight. She kissed his forehead and tried to wipe the tears away.

"Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.  
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)  
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)  
when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on."

She missed PJ so much at this moment, all she wanted was for PJ to be there while she watched their baby. It was so hard to let go to something that was such an amazing part for her life.

'Jo, he is gorgeous.' Helen said from the side.

'I know.' She smiled and looked up.

'Jo, I send those pics from my digital camera off already, want to ring him? See if he got them? What he thinks of him?'

Jo looked up, being brave and hugging her son tight. 'Yeah I might actually.'

Jo waited for Mark to put her through. She watched her son as she heard murmured voices.

'Hello?' PJ's deep voice obviously upset spoke.

'Are you okay?' Jo asked without a greeting.

'I was looking at our son.' PJ knew it was Jo and told her what he was feeling. 'I wish I was there for you and him.'

'Yeah I wish you were here too.'

'I better not though, you know. I just wait till you know you are settled in and stuff.'

'Yeah I guess so. Please come and visit us soon though.'

'I will, I promise. I don't think I'd last if I didn't.'

Jo and PJ said they good byes and Jo hung up the phone crying. Helen rushed to her side.

'Hels I just don't know anymore. The more I feel like I need him the more he seems to think he shouldn't be here with me. Maybe he is over me.'

'I don't think so. I think he is trying to protect you.'

'I just want to be with him. No matter how much he loves Maggie.'

'I think I can certainly say that he loves you just as much.'

Jo laughed and how can you tell that?'

'Been talking to your mate Jonesy.'

Jo laughed again and wiped her eyes 'You freak.'

Jo continued to laugh and Helen had stopped and was just watching her.

'Five…four…three…two…' Helen counted down quietly walking closer to Jo. By the time she softly said one, Jo was crying. 'I knew it.'

"I can't live if living is without you  
I can't live, I can't give any more  
Can't live if living is without you  
I can't give, I can't give any more"

'Okay, guys let me out. And let me take my baby outta here.' Jo jumped up.

'Sit down Jo.' The doctor ordered rolling her eyes. Jo glared but sat back down. She picked up her son, and giggled.

'He is so cute. I knew I could produce such a fine child.' The doctor laughed.

'Jo you scare me.'

Jo bowed. 'I take that as a compliment.' She ticked her now one-week-old son's foot. 'Come on you kept me here, " 'cos I had no one at home." ' She did the last bit in adverted commas.

'Well you don't and stop giving me tone girl.' The doctor laughed and walked out, 'Jo,' she called out once she was out the room, 'get out my hospital.'

'Thankyou.' Jo jumped up, gathered her baby and its stuff up and started to leave. She looked up and saw Helen in her doorway.

'Hey Hels, can you drive me home?' Jo smiled at Helen and Helen laughed.

'Course, lets go. You and your un-named baby.' Jo followed Helen out of the room and walked to the nurse's station.

Jo snuggled into the couch, she was tired, her eyes hurt but still she remained awake. She found it hard to sleep when she was alone in her apartment, her and her baby. What if she missed her child screaming for help because she was sleeping heavily? She knew it was silly, but she couldn't help it. She needed some reassure but she had no one to turn to.

She finally rose and headed to her room. Poking her head in her son's room once more. He was, as she had expected, fast asleep.

She walked to her room, and fell onto her bed. Without getting changed her eyes drooped. She knew she was falling asleep so she snuggled into her covers and let her mind drift.

The phone's loud continuously ringing made her mind snap out of the dream she was having and she sleepily grabbed the phone.

'Hello?' She said with her mouth barely moving.

'Jo? Did I wake you?' The warm deep voice, made her eyes open.

'Yeah you did. What time is it? Like 12 am or something.'

'Jo it is eight.'

Jo chuckled, 'it feels like 12.' She rolled over and opened her eyes more widely. She snuggled back into her covers and continued to talk. 'So why are you ringing Mister?'

PJ laughed. 'I wanted to say I'm sorry I haven't been done yet. You have been out of hospital for like ages.'

'It's my first night out of the hospital.'

'Oh how long did you stay in there for?'

'A week. Just 'cos I had no one home to help me.'

PJ remained silent.

'Any way, how is Mt. T?'

'Busy but good. You'd think with so many more people it would be short days, but the days seem to get longer.' Jo giggled. 'But how is our baby? Is Helen sending more photos soon?'

'Yeah she took some today, so I guess she will send them soon.' Jo closed her eyes; her head was starting to pound with how tired she was.

' I will try and get there soon. I really want to see him.'

Jo nodded, not thinking that he couldn't see her. She let her mind wonder in the silence and before she knew it she was asleep.

PJ repeated her name. He frowned trying to work out why she wasn't replying. He then heard her sigh. A deep, sleep-like sigh. He smiled, he knew that sigh anywhere. Jo was fast asleep.

PJ sat with the phone attached to his ear for a few minutes, listening to the calm sound of her breathing. Jonesy walked in the room and he looked up.

'Who you on the phone to?' Jonesy asked quietly while looking around the office.

PJ looked back to the phone and hung up. 'Just detective from Melbourne. Been on hold too long, I'll try tomorrow.'

'Ohhh okay.' He looked at PJ with a puzzled look. 'whatever.' He paused and then sat down, 'You going to visit Jo soon.'

'Yeah when here quiets down.' PJ said looking at Jonesy waiting for the reply.

'PJ, Mt. Thomas hasn't been quieter in months.' He said looking at him. 'Ohhh, you don't think you can visit her?'

'I Just know I'm going look at her and our baby, and want them to move back her and live with me. And you know what I think about that. It's not fair.'

'It's also not fair making her look after YOUR baby by herself.'

'Jonesy, this is hard enough without you making this harder.'

'Well, just bloody well go visit her; she misses you just as much as you miss her. She wants you back.'

'She does? How do you know that?'

'Helen was telling me. But she knows you can't get back together.' Jonesy said.

'Ahh.' PJ sat back. 'Okay, that's it I'm going to see Jo and our baby, like soon as.'

PJ sat back and visioned a picture of his son and Jo. He prayed that even if the trip didn't bring them back together, they could live near each other and be peaceful for the sake of their son.

Jo sat down in her lounge room and put her son on the blanket. She changed his nappy and tickled his small stomach. She picked him up slowly and put him on her chest.

The doorbell rang and she stood up carrying her son. She opened the door. Outside was dark and she went to turn on the pouch light, but the globe was blown.

'I think you should get that fixed.' The voice laughed and stood into the light of the passageway.

'Peej, you came.' Jo's voice was shocked and her face broke into a smile. The pain of being around him was no longer around; the pain was just the fact they weren't together.

PJ smiled and reached to touch his son's forehead.

'Come sit down and you can hold him and everything.' She bounced into her lounge again and pushed PJ into a seat. She gave him their son and walked out the room to get a drink for them both.

"I'll get you a coke ok? That's all I have at the moment.' Jo called from the kitchen. When she heard no answer she grabbed two cans and walked quietly back to the lounge, she stood at the door.

PJ was seated on the couch with his knees pulled to his chest and their son between his legs and his chest. PJ has his eyes closed and was holding onto their son quite tightly.

Jo walked in and sat down next to him. She placed the cokes down and placed her hands on PJ's back.

'You okay?' Jo asked.

PJ looked up, his eyes shining with tears. 'It's just… I was part of making him you know? He is so small, and beautiful… I can't believe he is mine.'

'Yeah I know, it's hard to get your head around. Sorry I kinda forgot it would be like this for you, you know this being the first time you've seen him and stuff.'

'Jo, I am so sorry about not being here before, I just didn't know how to act you know.'

'You don't have to explain PJ.' Jo smiled a sad smile. 'It's just going to get harder isn't it?'

'Joey, I will be here every time you need me. And even when you don't.' he smiled and Jo laughed. She moved closer to kiss her son.

PJ moved and put his legs down. He moved the position of the baby and put him on his chest and Jo put her head on PJ's shoulder to be closer to both of them.

'So what is his name?' PJ looked at Jo. 'I feel a bit stupid I don't even know his name.'

Jo laughed again. 'No one does, he doesn't have one.' She looked at her son, 'I know he is over a week old and doesn't have a name, but I was waiting for you.'

'Thanks Jo that means a lot.' He smiled.

'So help me choose.' Jo stood up. 'I know what I'd like to call him but I'll leave you guys alone and you tell me what you think.' She walked out the room. She hurriedly went to her room and found a tissue. She wiped the tears away from her cheeks.

'Jo the only name that I can honestly think that suits him is Liam.' PJ looked at Jo, 'I had a mate called Liam and when I look at our son I see a Liam.'

Jo smiled, 'I like it'

'What was your name for him?'

'It was more a middle name, so I like Liam as a first name.' Jo moved the position of the child. 'I was thinking Joseph. I like Liam Joseph.'

PJ smiled. 'Yeah I like that a lot.'

'How about it Liam?' Jo tickled their son's stomach.

By the time PJ and Jo had run out of things to talk about it was past one AM. And Liam had been in bed for a long time.

'Jo I should have driven home hours ago. I'm supposed to work tomorrow…well today'

'You can't drive home now it's way too late.' Jo said getting up. 'Look my couch folds out, It's new not like the one at your house.'

'Funny ha ha.' PJ stood up, 'I don't have anything to wear and I have to ring the station.'

'We can ring them in the morning. And I have some guy's clothes from when George stayed at my house.'

'Are you sure?' PJ stood up as well.

'Positive Peej. I'll go get some clothes and some blankets.' She walked out the room.

She found some clothes that would fit him. She carried it back into the room and made the couch into an area he could sleep. 'Thanks Jo,' he grabbed her around the waist and hugged her.

'Any day Peej. You are going to visit your son often right?' She froze a little and turned to look at him.

'Wild horses couldn't hold me back.' They both smiled.

'I'm glad.' They both stood smiling at each other for a second; Jo broke the glance and walked off. 'Night Peej.'

'Liam young man, you are clean, not warm, not cold and have been fed and are not crying, please please go to sleep.' Jo spoke to the one week old baby, 'and you are making mummy look silly because I'm talking to you. And you can barely look at me.'

'Liam you're mummy always looks silly.' PJ said from the doorway.

'Sorry I'm not used to being quiet, normally if Liam and I are awake the whole house is.' Jo looked around.

'Nah, no problem. I wasn't asleep anyway.' PJ smiled and walked over to Jo. 'Want me to take him for a while?'

'Yeah that would be great, I'm busting for the loo.' PJ laughed and watched Jo ran out the room once she had handed Liam to PJ.

PJ held Liam and his eyes were already drooping, 'you couldn't go back to sleep 'cos your mummy talks too much,' he whispered.

'I heard that PJ.' Jo said walking back in the room. 'Just put him back in his bassinette.' PJ nodded and did so and followed Jo out of the room.

'Okay, well good night again PJ.' They laughed and nodded. But Neither of them moved, they both stood looking at each other.

Jo moved closer to PJ, 'It was really hard to move away PJ. I never told anyone really why I was. Everyone guessed I guess but you know. I was always the on who run away, I always will be but I had to.'

'You didn't know you were pregnant though, did you?'

'No, Peej, I moved away because I couldn't live near you, I couldn't spend my life wishing that we were still together.'

'We could have been Jo, we would have worked through this.'

'Peej, when I moved my whole life was collapsing. And then I found out I was pregnant. Nothing seemed just something we could have worked through.'

'I know you loved me, and I know how much I love you. We would have worked through it.'

'Well I'm sorry I stuffed up your perfect plan of getting us back together. That wasn't the thought running through my head.' Jo spun around and started to walk off.

'Jo…Jo please, that's not what I meant.' Jo continued to walk and PJ chased her down the hall.

'Sorry.'

'It's okay Jo, What I meant is Jo I would give up anything to have you and now Liam at home with me. In my eyes its where you belong, I am who you belong with.' PJ looked away and Jo turned to face him.

'All I know is that I can never live up to Maggie, and I can't try to.'

'Jo this isn't about Maggie anymore. It's about the fact I love you so much, and every time you aren't around I ache for you. And these past months have been the most painful in a very long time.'

Jo wiped her tear from her cheek, she smiled. 'You have made me cry way too many times in my life.'

'I know.'

'It was a joke.'

'But it is true. Joey, I love you, please, please let us start fresh. You, me and Liam.' PJ's eyes were begging and Jo could tell that he meant each word.

With more tears pouring down her cheeks she walked up to him. She placed her hands on his cheeks, the warmth send shivers down her spine.

'I love you too.' Jo kissed PJ and by the time they broke apart they both had tears on their cheeks.

'I can't ask for more then you.' PJ kissed her again and this time they only broke apart at the start of their child crying.


End file.
